super_civious

2006-05-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

Well I'm here again, alone and lonely.. my mahal is not here, she's on a rest day. haaay... anyway, this past few days i'm beginning to realize that everything in this cruel world is not permanent. Everything that has a beginning has it's end, so to speak.. Well maybe there's something wrong with me.. I dunno.. Each time I love, there's always a flaw.. I dunno.. you judge, I never learned. Because I always believe that you don't have to stop loking for love.. It can be found in the strangest places. I love to love. If you ever fall, just love. Don't ask. Right now, i'm just hanging there. Hanging 'til judgement day.. I'll try to be her friend 'til the end, even if she didn't picked me.. even if it'll hurt me more. Even if my fate will haunt me, my conscience forever. Maybe I was born just to love, born to love her.. that's all. This is the first time that I risked my heart completely.. entrusted it's whole fate to someone. Knowing the circumstances are a little bit perverted. I still believe that love is all there is... How I wish that my bebe is the one.. Hoping that someone out there is willing to accept me of who I am and is willing to share her life with me forever. Someone who'll walk with me side by side without thinking of some other things before us... no more confusion, no more hesitation, no more doubts and negativities. Someone that I can call "mine".

2006-05-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

for you bebe ko..

Iris
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive...

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am...

how do i love you?

2006-05-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

how do i love you? i love you not because because you're smart.. it's the way you handle things.. you're so unpredictable.. I love you because you're so cool to be with. I can be myself. I can share almost everything to you.. all my "first times" became a possiblity because of you.. Never have I though that I'll fell in love with someone like you.. so sweet and so kind.. you're actually way out of my league the first time I saw you but then I realized that you're more than everything else.. There's something in you that made me say you're the one.. so unique.. the attitude that separates her amongst other women.. she can say what she wants.. i lover her because of that.. she's tough, she's cool, she's strong, she can be mean.. and she's my girl.. i love everything about you.. you've set the standards, physically. you have a face that could launch a thousand ships a picture that paints a thousand words.. you're beauty.. oooh you're beauty.. leaves me breathless and can take my heart away.. you're smile makes me shiver. my body, frozen. I know that the element of time is not on my side, but i'll love you.. even if take's forever to wait for you i will, if you want me to.. you're situation is confused, i'll still love you.. uncertain of what beholds, i'll always love you.. and i will forever love you. even if there's no reason of loving you.. even if we loose the sweetness.. even if we loose ourselves, you have built a special place in my heart that no one else can ever replace. I love you abby, my bebe.. will you marry me? take me, i'm yours.. till the end..

2006-05-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

It don't matter to me
If you really feel that
You need sometime to be free
Time to go out searching for yourself
Hoping to find time to go, to find

And it don't matter to me
If you take up with someone
Who's better than me
because your happiness is all I want
For you to find peace your piece of mind.

A lot of people have an ego hang-up
because they want to be the only one
How many came before it really doesn't matter
Just as long as you're the last
Everybody's moving on and try to find out
What's been missing in the past

And it don't matter to me
If your searching brings you back together with me
because there'll always be
An empty room waiting for you
An open heart waiting for you
Time is on my side
because it don't matter to me
It don't matter to me....

2006-05-11T13:45:00.000-07:00

human nature

It's a wednesday, still uncertain whether or not our plan that night will push through because bebe just realized that it was her nanay's bday. Well it did pushed through yes but i need to get a beating first because of the indirect answers from her for confirmation and I thought that she is planing to bring along mak (her bf's brother) and she actually thought that I was getting annoyed that time. (well receiving unclear answers will really sizzle your mind), she got irate too because of the way I reacted on my text/s wthout me knowing her side of the story. I realized it's hard for her to text me while mak is around. of course! any wrong move.. will be hell to her. Again, I didnt knew that at first because all the while I was thinking of something else, because of the uncertainty. Anyway, off with the date.. we went to starbucks and ordered our favorite drink/s and engaged on a short chit chat. After that we immediately went to Rolling stones to play billiards. "It was my day!" I said while we're still on the first half of our "race to ten" game. But come the home stretch, she won, fair and square. At first I felt shocked because this was the first time I got beaten... by a girl! and it just so happens that she's my Girlfriend! MAN! wow! For the first time in my entire billiards career that I received such beating from a girl.. well she's my bebe.. Underestimation finally came to an end. A non-believer such as I transformed into it's vice versa..

And now, the grand-finale. Are men dogs? is it our instinct to crave for flesh? When we're at Rolling stones, playing billiards.. This certain thought just popped out of my head.. Will this be it? Are we going to finally do it? knowing that it's just the two of us who went out without our friends at sight means something to me.. well.. you know what I mean by that naman right? So I'm just observing her, what her next move will be, having this fuzz on my mind. So it continued.. Busy playing billiards, so eager to be asked what we're going to do next... And then.. BAAAM! off we go.. still hoping for it.. going... going.. gone...! That created a bit of a confusion on my mind.. Am I not that good looking? doesn't she like me, physically? Don't I have the "Sex Appeal" so to speak.. Those are the questions streaming inside my head... And then comes the disappointment.. the frustration.. and, the dreaded term which is "insecurity" followed... So the happiness that is present around me that time suddenly changed into something else.. it changed my mood into something serious.. something not good. I called her up, hoping to get answers, and yep! I got them alright.. Now I know where I stand. She was able to explain to me as to why..contented with the answers, yep! and I embraced it with a sincere heart.. I do respect her after all.. I love her that much..! I got touched and I felt so stupid as to why I am acting that way.. so fucking weird! so fucking not me! We ended up our conversation with a clear and relieved heart.. Sorry bebe.. It won't happen again.. This I promise you... Time and time again.. I love you bebe.. Will you marry me? take me.. I'm all yours...

the one you love

2006-05-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

The One You Love by Glenn Frey

I know you need a friend,
someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one
who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know
they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above
What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the
disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one
who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

2006-05-06T07:33:00.000-07:00

it's another sad day for me again..

why are we afraid to face the truth? the reality? why, for so long, we are haunted by mistakes, still we are committing the same mistakes.. so many questions unanswered, so many answers that's so hard to accept. Facts, truths and even lies... Why is it hard to love someone, without even loving in return (unconditional love ekek). Why does it hurt to love someone, knowing that you're just her number 2, mean time lover. What makes me say that? hmm because it's the truth! What if your special someone sez "I love you, but not as much as I love him..." ouch! carelessly cutting you 'till you bleed...

Originally, when we started our relationship, we have this setup - "kami sa floor.. may bf sha na nasa abroad, nothing else" but then suddenly it changed. The set up has been modified. Maybe because of the time, effort, the love and the sacrifices that both of us are sharing in our daily lives that we finally realize that it's more than this.. In fairness to bebe, she's true. I can feel the love from her.. and likewise.. I love her so... damn... much! I love everything about her... I love her every single day of my life..

Moving back to the dreaded reality, It's so hard to have a relationship like this.. the confusion, the sorrow, the love, endless battle on the inner-self, uncertainty, pain, the sacrifice.. tempers, endless questions and questionable answers... all these are inside my beautiful head... Shit! i dunno.. is this being selfish? is this the result of my being hopeless-romantic.. me who hungers for love and romance.. am i desperate of love? again my friend, so many questions that longs for true answers.

I know.. that day will come.. when all is settled and clear. One of us will get hurt. One will be thankful to the stars above...! hehe there's actually a song for this.. the one you love by glenn frey.. la lang.. senti shit song that reminds me of my condition right now.. haaay..

one things for sure.. i'll never love this way again if ever things didn't worked out the way i wanted to... I LOVE You bebe so much.. will you marry me? take me, i'm all yours...

2006-05-01T05:58:00.000-07:00

Oh No - The Commodores

I want you to want me

I'm goin' crazy knowin' he will be your lover tonight

And when he comes I'll let you go

I'll just pretend as you walk out the door

Oh, noI can't sleep

Oh, noI'm goin' crazy with love over you

I need you to need me

I wanna hold you but you're holdin' someone else in your arms

When I close my eyes I see your faceI'm just not sure how much my heart can erase

Oh, noI can't think, oohOh, no

I'm goin' crazy with love over you

Oh, honeyOh, sugarOh, no

I can't sleep anymore, baby

Oh, noI can't think anymore, baby

Oh, noI'm goin' crazy with love over you

2006-04-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

i'm so freaking bored.

i dunno why but i feel so bored today. no calls yet.. i almost came in late.. damn! no money, no nothing! i'm always absent minded lately, maybe the reason being is because of the thought of uncertainty that lies before me.. i'm no longer happy with what is happening to me right now.. this is not me.. in fact i'm no longer me..

I'm Back

2006-04-21T07:20:00.000-07:00

hehe its been a while since I last updated this blog, and now I'm back! hehe haaay.. andami nangyare sobra.. hehe i'll try to share a lot on my next post.. (dami ginagawa sa work) hehe rock on!

My Song

2005-10-07T03:58:00.000-07:00

Better Off by Typecast

leave him, he's not worth the pain, he's not worth it at all. maybe he just made mistakes, i know he's not so serious. ask yourself 'am I improving? the memories are all so numb. it' s just what he wants, he doesn't see how beautiful you are. i say it from the heart, when will you see that i need you. please do stop and think about, that you're better off with me. look around, do you see him? when problems come he seems to disappear. you said he's starting to understand, but I think he doesn't have a brain. he's the guy who loves to fuck around. the kind that breaks the heart of girls like you, please do stop and think about, you're better off with a loser like me

the mystery of the taxi meter

2005-09-27T04:04:00.000-07:00

the mystery of the taxi cab meter

i've been a frequent taxi customer for like 6 months now, ever since i was moved from morning to night shift, the memories of this nerve wracking experience is still there..

whenever i rode a taxi cab, i will notice just one thing, the meter. even if it is just a short ride or a long journey, drunk and asleep or whatever.. nothing will really beat.. the meter.

i'm just curious, how did they calibrate the speed? the functionality seems a little bit out of the extraordinary because regardless of how fast the taxi cab drives, the mileage, the wait time, the rate of the taxi cab is still uncertain!

i'm thinking that the taxi driver has this special button that they can click on that will accelerate the tick per minute of the meter.

taxis has their own unique taxi cab meter specialties:

*the speedster type - the faster it goes, the more mileage it gets and the more faster the rates will be.(if the cab was stuck on a heavy traffic, the lower the rates.. huh! yeah!)

*the turtle run - the taxi cab meter has this uncanny ability to speed up the tick per minute to only half a minute. so traffic jam is to their advantage! (boring !)

*the combination - this taxi cab has a meter with the first two combined(yikes!). if i sensed this cab.. i will try to lead him to shortcuts thus looking at my wallet instead of the meter if i still have enough cash to pay(darn!).

so you see my friends, it is convenient to us commuters especially when we're running late to work but this one is also to our disadvantage.. it maybe exciting because you have to beat the clock and at the same time not breaking the buck (p100) but where's justice? hehe what the heck! i'll just sleep early nalang. riding the taxi cab will only be my last option..

da boss II - beta version

2005-08-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

da boss II - beta version
guys, i would just like to inform you that dustin and i just initiated the beta version occular visit last night @ DA BOSS.. ha.. ha.. you know what i mean.. our stint there was just brief though the quality is still there... so what are we waiting for? let's us push through with the upcoming event - DA BOSS II.. we'll send out the details to you as soon as we've finalized the master plan.. rock on guyz!!

End of Heartache

2005-08-09T01:11:00.000-07:00

The End of Heartache - Killswitch Engage

Seek me, call me

I'll be waiting

This distance, this dissolution

I cling to memories while falling

Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day

Waking the misery of being without you

Surrender, I give in

Another moment is another eternity

(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace